Oktoberfest

Strap on your lederhosen and hold on to your felt hats for the world's biggest beer-centric celebration. Oktoberfest! And where better to celebrate such a finely crafted beverage than in Germany's southern state of Bavaria, which has been perfecting the fine art of brewing for centuries. It still enforces strict beer purity laws to ensure its lagers, weiß beers and sweet dark dunkels remain the world's finest.

If you thought Oktoberfest was just another silly excuse to order enormous steins of beer, swing them around and spill them everywhere, well, you'd be partly right. But there is so much more to this mega-party than giant beer halls, bratwurst and pretzels. In Munich, Oktoberfest is held in the city's enormous showground, and is like a big carnival (think the Easter show without all the horsies), with rides, entertainment, food and of course beer. I was quite surprised to see little kiddies rocketing about the place, lining up for the rollercoaster and quaffing hotdogs.

Although it only happens once a year, the sheer size and solid construction of some of the beer halls looks like they are there to stay. Some of the big brands like Lowenbrau and Paulaner can seat thousands of people on long wooden bench tables inside as well as in the ubiquitous Bavarian biergartens. Crowds are kept entertained by oom pa pa bands replete with tubas and accordians, and are kept on their toes by tough-as-nails beer wenches armed with up to four one-litre steins per hand, and who think nothing of shoulder-barging revellers who get in the way.

Rockin the dirndls

Keeping your beer wench (which I'm told in this part of the world is a perfectly acceptable term) happy is an absolute must at Oktoberfest, otherwise you will be ignored and unable to get what you need - more beer. You can only be served drinks while sitting at a table, and its best to slightly overpay for each beer, as if you tip well she may even take a shine to you and start coming around more often.

It can be difficult to nab a table, which seat up to 10 people, once the festival swings in to full gear on nights and weekends. This does end up working out well, as it forces you to befriend groups of Germans in order to get a seat and be served. We ended up meeting lots of groups, some from Munich but many from all over the country who flock southwards for beer season. Beer drinking is a national sport all over Germany, but it seems nobody does it quite like the Bavarians.

Oktoberfest is celebrated annually as a commemoration of Bavarian King Ludwig II's wedding 201 years ago. Many of the original traditions are still in force. The most hilarious part of the festival is the lengths that people - both Germans and foreigners - go to to re-create the traditional dress. For the boys, its the suede leather lederhosen shorts, while ladies doll themselves up in floral frocks and fluffy white blouses, an outfit known as the dirndl. A felt hat with rope band and feather sticking out of it tops off the ensemble.

Uber-short lederhosen

We were quite keen to give the traditional dress a go, until we found out that they cost about 100 Euros ($135) an outfit, so we settled for daggy Robin Hood style hats instead. Finding affordable accommodation in overflowing Munich for the festival was also tricky, with spartan dorm beds in crowded hostels fetching up to 70 Euros a pop ($95). We opted to crash in a tent for three nights at a camping ground about 20 minutes from the town centre. It was organised by a bus company who also ferried revellers to and from the Oktoberfest site.

I can't say it was the most luxurious accommodation package we've ever experienced, what with having to pay for hot showers and toilet paper and getting extremely measly ''free'' breakfasts. The camping ground was absolutely packed, with about 10 other companies operating the same thing, and 150 happy campers in our group. Not that we spent a great deal of time at the campground anyway, and I was one of the lucky ones whose air mattresses didn't deflate while we were there.

It was much more fun to be at Oktoberfest as part of a big group, and there was always some good value people on hand to hang around with and fill up a beer table. It was a massive Aussie-fest - probably 90 per cent of those on the tour. After 10 months in South America meeting more Europeans than Aussies, it was quite a shock to meet the guy who lived 3 blocks away from us in Erskineville.

Say what you like about drunk Aussies, but at the end of the day they do know how to party, and are very outgoing and eager to meet new people, which made it easy for us to bond with our German brethren. After spending the first night in the Hofbrauhaus beer hall in central Munich laughing hysterically at Germans dancing on tables in their lederhosen, we spent the whole of the next day at Oktoberfest. We started in a big group at the Lowenbrau hall and moved out with a smaller posse to check out some of the rides. Luckily we did this nice and early in the day before too many steins had been consumed.

We then paused to sip on steins at a bar that was actually a rotating merry-go-round. You could sit on a horse with your beer and just watch the world go by. Later on it was off to the ginormous Paulaner tent, where the beer wenches were getting a little stroppy as it was approaching 5pm, when many of the tables are reserved for corporate groups arriving after work (can you imagine rocking Oktoberfest with your boss and all of your work colleagues? Only in Germany!)

After that it was harder to get a table, but we managed to sweet talk our way onto one at the biergarten at the Hacker tent, where everyone recharged with roast chicken and I retreated to half-steins.

Neuschwanstein castle

Thankfully the following day, the tour operators took our sleepy hungover selves into the stunning Bavarian countryside to check out Neuschwanstein castle, a two-hour drive from Munich. The relief was palpable. It was much more pleasurable to sip in fresh country air and walk around a beautiful regal pile than face another stein. The castle, built in the alpine foothills as a refuge for King Ludwig in the mid 1800s to commemorate his pal and hero, composer Richard Wagner.

Unfortunately Ludwig met a sticky end in suspicious circumstances in 1886, before the castle had been completed, so parts of the interior on the second floor remain unfinished. I know all this trivia because we had a guided tour (something I almost never sign up for, had I not been on a massive guided tour already): But it was totally worth it to hear the hilarious voice of our petite, serious-looking guide, who had obviously been taught to project her speech so everyone could hear. Combined with a heavy German accent, the result was priceless, slowing down to emphasise words in this huge scary tone, ''the...castle...was...NEVAR....FINISHED.''

It's a pity Ludwig wasn't around to enjoy his masterpiece, because it's a pretty elegant crib. The walls are decorated wtih murals that represent various Wagner works, and there are amazing woodcarvings on doors, walls and above the obligatory royal four-poster bed. Even the royal john looked like a stylish throne.

Surrounding the castle is a network of tracks through the forest, including one that takes you to a bridge over a ravine directly opposite, where tourist hoards gather to get the money shot of the castle. We walked a little further uphill, and made it up to a beautiful lookout where we had an amazing aerial view of the castle, the surrounding hills and the town and neatly-tended fields below.

That evening, it was back to Oktoberfest. It was a tamer affair for our group, as we didn't arrive until 7pm. The Germans were in full-flight, whacking steins together and dancing on tables. It was Friday night, and absolutely packed, with tens of thousands of revellers staggering up and down the lanes of the fairground. Luckily we managed to bag half a table in a beergarden, having been refused entry to three others which were too full. We had fun laughing at people on a ride that was like a really fast, slippery travelator - many people stacked it straight after they hopped on.